It's things like this that make me hate Halloween...

So. I'm in Texas. Small town Texas. Adjacent to crazy college town Texas. And I seriously hate Halloween right now.

I'm here visiting my grandparents and they live in a more rural area of this small town, which is actually not that far from the main town, but there are some windy roads and lots of trees, and well, it's dark. So, I left their place tonight to head back to my hotel...it's only 5 or 6 miles, and a fairly straight shot after you're done with winding. And I was almost back to the hotel...had pulled off the highway and was sitting at a light waiting to turn left.

That's when they pulled up next to me.

The crazy scary clowns.

Yes. That's right. Clowns.

You'll notice there's no photo in this blog because I hate clowns. HATE THEM. Poltergeist anyone? Yeah. I have zero need for clowns in my life, especially not grownish people dressed up like the crazy scary ones. It would have been one thing if they were just sitting in the car. I could have ignored them. But no. The one in the passenger seat was staring right at me through his crazy scary clown mask, and at first I thought, "yeah, ha ha, you're a scary clown..." And then he opened his door.

And the stupid light was still red, and he starts taking off his seatbelt and starting to get out of the car. Seriously. And in my mind I'm saying, "they're just trying to freak me out...college kids out to mess with the townies..."; and then I'm saying, to my mom whom I'm talking to on the phone at the time, "these clowns are freaking me out and I'm about to run this light."

And so, I pulled into the intersection. I was seriously going to run it. But there was a huge semi coming from the other direction, and I wasn't completely clear who had the green light, so I stopped, but the clowns were still out of their car, and so I turned right across two lanes and went the other direction on the road, hoping beyond hope they wouldn't follow me. I saw them turn left and flipped a u-turn and drove slowly back toward my original destination. I could see them in the car, a light or so ahead of me, and I made sure they were gone and didn't see me turn toward my hotel.

I seriously don't think I've ever been that freaked out. I made my mom stay on the phone with me until I was back in my room, and of course, I'm totally fine, and those idiots will go back to college tomorrow with a story about how they scared some girl out of her mind. They are sooooo invited to bite me. I really can't articulate how deeply I'm engraving those invitations either.

It's stupid. I live in a large city. I've visited and stayed in numerous large cities. Nothing has ever freaked me out this much. I mean, rural Texas, Halloween, scary clowns...it just doesn't add up well...

And so Halloween, I bid you a hasty goodbye. I have no interest in seeing you or your scary clown demon people every again.

All this in just 90 minutes of sleep...

So, I went to bed around 10:15 tonight, and just woke up about 10 minutes ago from this GEM of a dream...

It started, and I was at work, though not in my actual office. In fact, I was in some sort of outside office. Whatever. Anyway, I was outside a classroom that had all glass walls when two gentlemen came up all sneaky like, one with a clipboard he was writing things on. They were looking very closely at the room and then at me, so I asked them if there was something I could help them with. Man one asked if I knew who owned the room, and I told him that I did. He was insistent that I didn't, so I said, "Well, I manage the room." He didn't believe me, and went on and on about how I couldn't possibly manage it, but I kept insisting that I did, and I was not pleased about their presence. There were kids in the room on some sort of exchange program. I'm not sure what they were doing, but these two men were very interested in that as well. When they finally left, I relayed the story to some coworkers, and they just couldn't believe it. 

Moments later, I was in the car with these same coworkers, and the funny part is, it was my old red Neon, but for some reason, I wasn't driving, one of my coworkers/friends was. And we're driving away from campus and see a guy in a gas mask about to spray us with something. My friend swerves and we all duck and it was all very natural, like something we avoided on a regular basis. My friend turns the car toward a sloping driveway with three possible places for us to enter, deciding the one on the right was appropriate and maneuvering the car so it ended up in the path. It was like entering one of those automated car wash places where you have to get your car in the grooves or it won't go through. Only this took us down into some sort of warehouse that was almost like a flea market, which, FYI, I would never go to in real life. 

The car stopped at the bottom, and we all got out. I'm not clear what was going to happen to the car, but this whole adventure seemed like something we did all the time. So we start wandering through this sea of crap, and I mean crap, and trying to find stuff we want/need. I remember seeing piles of carpets and rugs and then roaming into an area where people had disposed of things like exercise balls and things that bounce. I sat down on an exercise ball that was clearly made for kids, because it had an animal face and feet that would suction to the ground when you sat down. And I was THRILLED at this find! I was laughing like a little kid and bouncing on the ball while my coworker/friend mocked me. I got off the ball and followed my friend to another place, and then I had a Coke in my hand. And on top of my Coke was a purple horse. A small one, but a purple horse nonetheless. And I was possibly even MORE thrilled about that because I kept singing about it. "There's a horse on my Coke! There's a horse on my Coke!" And I was laughing hysterically and so was my friend, and then, I took the lid off my Coke and the horse fell in, and I was so sad. I think I even said, "There's a horse in my Coke." And then I realized it was a koala bear, not a horse. And then I woke up.

How can I possibly go back to sleep now???

Oh the dreams I dream...

Over the last two nights I've had some crazy sorts of dreams...really though, just a bunch of dream snippets. I debated blogging Friday night's dreams yesterday but never got around to it, so thought I'd add last night's into the mix. So, here they are...in no order whatsoever...just the brief snippets to prove, once again, that I'm nothing if not crazy.

In snippet one, I'm at a movie theatre, and there are HUGE escalators everywhere. I'm with a friend or two, but they keep changing as I move about this giant theatre. At one point, I get to some popcorn, but there's something hard about actually getting it. We do it, but it's exhausting. At another point, we're in a buffet line, choosing other foods to eat. I'm not sure if we're taking that food into the theatre or what because the dreams morphs after that.

Snippet two finds me in a large group of people all talking about/obsessed with babies. I'm not obsessed with them, but everyone else is. And in fact, there's a huge room filled with babies in cages. Yes. Cages. Like they're animals in a shelter. Now, those of you that know me know that I'm not a fan of babies, but even I realize they shouldn't be kept in cages. But in the dream, it's all perfectly normal. And so, people come to this room to get their babies. And I remember some of the characters from the TV show Parenthood being there, which sort of makes sense because there's a storyline about one of them wanting to have another baby, but I also remember my grandfather being there, so who knows what all of that was about.

Snippet three finds me walking in New York with my friend Mary - who actually lives in New York in real life, so that's not really a stretch. What's weird in the dream though, is that it's like she's never been there. And it appears that we're walking in Brooklyn, and are looking for a specific restaurant. And so we walk, and we keep going through these mini tunnels, and then we go through one and realize we've gone too far...like we've crossed into the dark side of Brooklyn, where a street performer is playing percussion on some old plastic containers. In front of a tennis court that seems run down. We turn back and appear to be in a large open area in the vicinity of the Brooklyn Bridge. Before I know it, the dream finds the two of us sitting at a table having breakfast. With Matt Nathanson. And a waiter is there and he takes an orange out of Matt's drink and squeezes it into mine. And it seems perfectly normal. And then waiter has a camera, which apparently is Matt's, and he starts to take our picture, only I'm totally not paying attention, but I do smile in the end, and it's a good picture of the three of us and Matt assures us that he'll email it to us.

And finally, snippet four finds me going to a concert. That's not really so unbelievable, but weirdly, I had two concerts to attend in one night. At the same venue. One was free, and one I had a ticket to. But even I was confused about it in the dream. So I got to the venue, which I believe was the HP Pavilion in San Jose, and the first concert is really tiny in a room that seats about 50 people. And so I sit down at a table with people I don't know, and someone brings me a salad that I don't really want, and then some sort of sandwich or other food that I also don't want. And I pick at it, and then they come and take it away. The concert is supposed to be Aimee Mann and her sister. I've never listened to her music, nor do I know if she has a sister, but the concert never actually materialized in my dream anyway, so whatever. From there, I am in some sort of transportation device headed to the other concert. This was confusing since I thought it was in the same venue. And in front of me, I see a friend in another vehicle, and he's looking at me and wondering how it is that I'm behind him when he thought I wasn't going to be there or was going to be late or something. I try to tell him that I'll explain later. And then I'm in a van with a bunch of ladies I used to work with, and they're pulling into a parking space by some water, and I try to tell her that she's gone too far, but she doesn't believe me. And when I get out, I'm practically in the water and I finally make her back up. And then the parking lot changes and there are other spaces, and she moves while gates are opened and closed remotely. I also see the Chief of Police from my current workplace trying to get her smart car in under a gate, and she seems rather sneaky about it, but I just look at her and move on. The other concert, who I have no idea who was, never materializes either and then I wake up.

No wonder I never feel rested when I wake up!

In my dreams, I get fired and throw gravel at people

I wholly disapprove of the dream I just woke up from...there really are no words...

Number one - I was fired and went to work at Fresno State on a temporary basis. Thank goodness I actually knew people there or I might have been screwed. But it appeared I was working in some sort of secret job, where maybe I was investigating something. As we toured around campus, which looked suspiciously like a wild animal park, we saw seals and walruses and even a giraffe. Yeah. Okay. Then I sat down at a desk and the gal I was working with asked me to call a restaurant and get some information, so I did. And it was fine, and very bizarre. 

Number two - The person who fired me was still my friend, and we were hanging out at someone's house, but he was better friends with someone else, and it was completely awkward and awful...like I was being pushed out. We were sitting on the couch and this other person was sitting between us, and they were talking quietly so I could hear just enough, but then they'd stop when they realized I could hear them. Apparently in this dream we were actually in junior high...goodness.

Number three - This same former boss/friend and I were then touring the house and lamenting how crowded it was and making suggestions about how we would change it. I remember that the kitchen counter actually had two sets of stove burners, and I suggested they should get a cover for one if they weren't going to remove it, because it was taking up a lot of counter space. Apparently in this dream I was also an interior designer? Whatever. Moments later we were standing at the fridge in this house (still not sure who owned the house) and he got very excited by some ice cream in the freezer, then yelled for some teenage kid who came and indulged in the ice cream too. No idea who owned the kid either.

Number four - I was walking on a gravel path with this same person, and he was talking to someone else about how awkward it was since he'd had to fire me, and I got really mad and picked up a handful of gravel and threw it. At people. People who weren't even involved but just happened to be walking by. I tried to apologize to one of the men it hit, and naturally, he was really angry. I started to apologize to the other man, but my former boss/friend pulled me back and told me to not say any more.

And then I woke up.

Apparently, in my subconscious, I'm afraid I'm going to get fired, have to go work in a zoo in Fresno and will lose my friend and become an angry gravel-thrower. Wow. This is not good information.

In my dreams, I laugh hysterically with Brian Austin Green

There wasn't a whole lot to this dream, but the Brian Austin Green portion stood out enough for me to feel like I should share.

The dream started with some sort of camp scene where I was in a van being driven up a mountain with some other friends, and it was one of those scary vans that may or may not make it across a street, much less up a mountain, but we made it and I was never so happy to be out of the van in my life. There were some kids around, and I'm still not clear if I was working at the camp or attending it. I do remember a discussion about headphones and music, but even that's a little blurry.

At one point in this dream I was walking through a canyon with a couple of kids and a couple of adults...at another point I was walking up to a registration desk of sorts...at another point I was recalling driving up Casper Mountain (in Wyoming). That's where I went to Girl Scout camp in grade school. Yeah. Crazy that I was thinking about it...even crazier that I went...but that's another story...

The dream ended with a bunch of people sitting around in chairs, and as I walked into the chair area - seems like they were outside to start with - a bunch of people started moving around so that I could sit together with the people I walked in with, but I had no interest in that and sat on the end of the row of chairs. That's when Mr. Green (Mr. Austin Green?) showed up. He slid down next to me and we started talking and laughing. Laughing hysterically. I have no idea what we were talking about to start with but then we were on a train, still sitting in the chairs and were mocking the people around us who were suddenly transformed into drunken idiots. Seriously. 

And then I woke up...and now I sorta want to watch this movie: This Time Around.

In my dreams, Todd Carey has blond highlights and I wear a wedding dress

Yeah, so, I had another one of those totally random dreams where the parts were completely disconnected from each other. I do remember that I fell asleep watching The Big Chill so maybe that has something to do with the crazy? It's possible I'm just crazy.

Part I - Todd Carey

So, in the dream, I was visiting Todd at his house...more like an apartment...and actually, I think it was his mom's house/apartment. Not that I have any sort of idea what type of residence Todd or his mom live in...but I digress. Anyway...there were Christmas decorations everywhere, but it wasn't Christmas; not even close to Christmas actually, and I thought it was odd. I sat down in a recliner chair, and Todd's mom was on a couch. And she was very sad, like some tragedy had occurred, but I wasn't sure what. Then Todd came in and his hair had blond highlights - not a good look to be honest. And he was sad too. And I felt bad, but I didn't know what to say. No words were spoken and then the scene morphed.

Part II - Wedding Dress

In this part of the dream, I was in a bedroom, and was wearing an orange dress, but put on a wedding dress over it and was dancing around the room with my dad. I'm not sure if we were practicing for a dance or what, but it was strange, and I didn't seem to be enjoying it. The scene shifted, and I remember there was a cat on the bed, near a box of stuff, and then there was a lot of stuff on the bed...and it seemed like I was supposed to be doing something with it. Then I stepped out, then back, and the stuff was gone with the exception of one box. And in the box was a garter, and I was in the wedding dress again, still over the orange dress. And I just sat down with the box and the garter and wondered what was supposed to happen next.

Seriously. What is wrong with my brain?

In my dreams, I teach science with a slinky

Oh dear. Waking up from a dream in which I was a teacher is bad enough, but the fact that I was teaching some sort of science? So far from reality I can't even tell you.

So in this dream, I remember driving up to a school that was new, but yet, sort of run down. And the woman taking me to my classroom leads me down a flight of stairs, then around a corner, then into an elevator that takes us up one floor and then tells me the next elevator is around the corner, but I just skip it because it seems too weird and walk up the rest of the stairs. Seriously. It was like the Winchester School of Mystery Elevators.

I get to the classroom and it's clearly a room built for science, with lab tables and beakers and such, and so I look around a bit before the kids show up, and then they come. And they're smallish - maybe 4th or 5th grade I'd guess, and I literally have no idea what I'm doing. So I devise an ice breaker wherein I ask them to say their name, what their favorite part of summer was and what they're most looking forward to in school. And it starts off okay, but then more kids come, and soon there aren't enough places to sit, and I'm highly annoyed by it, but the kids keep talking, saying their nams, etc. and soon it all evens out. I single out one boy to work on a solo project and it keeps him occupied throughout the dream. I have no idea what he was doing, but there were all sorts of things in a giant sink and he was completely engaged - I guess that's a good thing, right?

At one point, another teacher shows up - an older man who is clearly experienced and entertained by my level of newness. He pulls out a slinky - yes. A slinky. And puts it next to a tape recorder which also amplifies its sound. And so we all hear the slinky movement as it walks back and forth. But I don't seem to approve and go dig in my locker - oh yes, I had a locker - and find a purple plastic slinky instead. I suppose that would actually be called a spring coil since slinky is really a brand name, but I digress. I bring the man the plastic slinky and amazingly, it makes the sound I was looking for. Yeah. It makes no sense to me either.

For some reason, I leave the classroom and go down the hall where I'm suddenly in a living room of some sort, and it appears to be that of my parents or grandparents, and my grandmother is there looking at pictures and random collectibles sitting on some circa 1974 glass shelves. And she's really sad, but when my mom asks her why, she can't say. And then I'm back in the classroom and suddenly there's no power. And I open the door and realize that there's some sort of fire alarm but we didn't hear it in our room. So I tell everyone to get in line and we proceed to leave the room. But then a few minutes later we're back and kids are just sitting around - in desks, not at the lab tables, which appear to have gone by the wayside - waiting for me to dismiss them, only they're older now, but very patient...like they've been waiting a long time for me to say it's okay to go. So I tell them they can leave, and then, I wake up.

Really? Really???? 

I took science in junior high and high school, and some of it I really enjoyed...Mr. Vasek's Physics class, Mr. Abelson's Chemistry class...but as a general rule, science and I do not mix. And teaching? Oh good grief. That is never something I wanted to do. I admire teachers and have several friends that are teachers. Never would I want to be one. 

So no idea where this dream came from. I recall falling asleep watching A Knight's Tale, so I can't imagine this seeped in from that. If I'd been watching Weird Science, I could totally understand. 

Ah well...there it is...another look at the land of crazy that my brain resides in...