In my dreams I...well, you'll just have to read this one...

In the beginning of my dream I was on a train - is it just me, or do I dream a lot about trains? - and I was taking up two whole rows of seats with my stuff. The train wasn't full so it didn't seem to be a problem, but I had a LOT of stuff, including an egg carton filled with donut holes that someone had given me. Yeah. You read that right. Pretty sure I'm gonna need a donut in a minute after eating them in my dream. Anyway...the train pulls into the station, and I think we were in Denver, but I can't be sure. I got off the train and left all my stuff on it, because apparently I was going to be getting back on after the layover. The problem was, that once I was upstairs, I got lost. And I couldn't find my way back to the train or all my stuff. There were three different sets of trains, but I couldn't figure out which one was the right one. I asked a lady coming up one of the ramps if she could help and she started talking to me in sign language so I couldn't understand anything. I was crying very hard in my dream, trying to figure out where I was going, and no one would help me. 

I then found myself on a street and was going to cross back to the train station. The street corner was decorated like some crazy Christmas town, with a Christmasy mailbox and fake snow, and I don't even think I was supposed to be standing where I was, but I pushed the button to cross the street then just ran across after a group of teenagers. 

I followed them into what appeared to be a train station - there was a ticketing machine and everything - but it turned out to be nothing of the sort. Every door was narrow and I had to squeeze through, and literally every person stared at me like I didn't belong there, which clearly I didn't. I went down an incredibly steep and winding set of blue stairs and ended up in an eatery of sorts where again, everyone stared at me. I left there and was in a laundry room, and then ended up in some sort of gaming room where, apparently, a giant gaming event was about to happen. I rushed around the room looking for the train and realized I was in the wrong place, and as people stared again, I went back through everything I'd just come through and got back to the top to look for my train again, which I never found and then woke up.

When I got back to sleep, my dreaming continued, but was a little more disjointed. At one point I was in a room about to watch a movie, and I was with a guy and his daughter, and I was telling him that a friend of mine had seen the premiere of the movie in LA and that all the characters were there. It seemed important and interesting at the time. Now it seems lame. We weren't in a theatre, which was weird, but in small room with regular chairs and some tall tables.

And then I saw an old friend from high school, and some other friends from other times in my life, and they were all leaving the room and doing something outside, but it's like they didn't see me. I was just watching them, and it made me sad. Then I leaned back in the room to see if they were ready to start and some random guy tells me they got Whitney Houston, so I go back in and sure enough, there she sits, in a shiny green dress. And this is young Whitney, Whitney that could sing the lights out of a room, Whitney before she went crazy...but she seems kinda bothered to be there, or maybe she was confused, but we chat for a minute and then the scene morphs. 

Next thing I know I'm talking with the guy again, who I guess I was dating, but things weren't going well. We sat down on a bench, and he picked up his daughter so she was between us, and then he proceeds to get mad because I didn't put my arm around him, and then I was mad because he didn't put his arm around me, and he got all defensive saying he had his daughter and he couldn't do everything, so I put my arm around him and leaned on his shoulder, but it was quite clear that wasn't going to last very long. The scene then morphed and we were back in the room and there were a number of elderly folks there and they were watching video tapes and laughing and dancing and it was actually quite awesome.

I'm sort of thankful I woke up after all of that because wow. That was a whole lot of crazy for one night! And I didn't even take any Benadryl!!

In my dreams Buster Posey doesn't play on Opening Day...

It's probably no secret to anyone that knows me that I'm excited for baseball season to start, so it's not all that surprising that I would dream about going to a Giants game. I've been trying to figure out how to get Opening Day tickets for the last couple of weeks and so far, it's not happening. But, in my dreams, I got to go.

So, the dream started with my friend Jill and I sitting in the stands at AT&T Park on a beautiful Opening Day. And the fans were excited! And then we learned that Buster Posey, last season's Rookie of the Year and one of the major stars of the team, would not be playing. And we were not pleased. 

Then, we see that Buster is sitting in the stands with his dad, and he seems perfectly healthy and capable of playing. A few seconds later we're standing next to him and listening to him tell people that he's got some stuff to deal with, some personal stuff with his lady - yes, he called his girlfriend his lady, which is totally whack because he's married and I honestly can't imagine him saying the words "my lady". And it's like it's no big deal. He's just not playing because he's got stuff going on with her.

And then she appears, and is clearly pregnant, but no one's actually saying the words, and she seems perfectly fine and is actually quite friendly. She was blonde and wearing a black shirt very similar to one I have hanging in my closet. He's wearing a black sweatshirt and his hair is all shaggy and weird looking and his dad is just standing there not saying anything as we talk to Buster's lady.

Ummm...what? First of all...there's no way Buster would not play on Opening Day unless he was injured, and if he was injured, he'd still be sitting in the dugout. Second of all...he would not be so casual about any of this because he's just not that casual about anything. And third of all...who hooked us up with these tickets for Opening Day?

Yeah...my dreams are crazy!

In my dreams I shop for boots and get a McDonald's Coke...

It's no secret to anyone that knows me that I don't really like shoes. If I had my druthers I'd wear flip flops every day for every occasion, so the idea that in my dream I'd be shopping for boots is just plain ridiculous. Nonetheless...

The dream started with me looking at ankle boots...you know, the ones that barely cover the ankle and show off your leg if you bend over or cross your legs. I've never really understood these boots, but in my dream, this is what I was looking for. And I found two pair, one black and one brown, that were absolutely gorgeous. But I wasn't sure so I called in my good friend Tasha who is a boot afficiando, and she was less than impressed. She agreed that they were beautiful shoes, but was also concerned about how if you bent over or crossed your legs that they were just sort of there looking strange. We actually had quite a lengthy discussion about how they only reason I was really looking at boots at all was to cover my feet, not to keep my legs warm, but somehow she convinced me to get a taller boot, though not knee height. I don't think I was very excited about this and in the end, I didn't come away with any boots. That part seemed real, because there's truly no reason I'd ever spend my money on boots of any height.

The dream then morphed to me being in my old hometown of Laramie and I was running late for something, heading toward some school, though I wasn't sure which one. It's not that there are so many in Laramie, but there are enough to need to know where you're headed. Anyway...I was driving down Grand and decided to take a detour through McDonald's because I was certain I couldn't survive the day without a Coke. This part of the dream was actually very close to reality because I often make this sort of detour on my way to work now. Anyway...I pulled into the drive-through and as I did, I heard someone singing, and when I looked into the window to see who it was it was my old friend David from Laramie who actually used to work at McDonald's (oh yeah, I worked there too at one point in time) and then I think switched to Burger King at some point, but it was like I wasn't supposed to be there and he was surprised to see me when I waved from the drive-through lane. He stopped singing but I told him to finish then ordered a well done hashbrown and a medium Coke with extra ice. And yes, that's my normal order for breakfast at McDonald's. 

Next thing I know I'm inside the restaurant getting the Coke and it keeps spilling on me because the lid won't stay on and as I'm trying to get it to stay one of David's daughters (who I don't know at all in real life and have no idea if this was his real daughter or not) started talking to me, and she worked there too. I started talking to her so I could figure out which school I was supposed to be going to since apparently I was going there to see one of her sisters. Sure. Why not? She told me and then I finally got the lid to stay on my cup and left the restaurant. 

That's all there was though since the alarm rang about that time and woke me up before I even got a sip of the Coke. And yeah, I don't think I need to tell you that I'll be stopping at McDonald's on my way to work this morning because I'm practically salivating right now.

In my dreams, I get on the wrong train and eat pie...

So in this dream, a friend and I were in Philadelphia and we were heading to a concert. We were walking into the train station, and I walked through the normal entry but he decided to be "cool" and run up a ramp and bypass the line. It was pretty clear in the dream that this was something he did on a regular basis. I rolled my eyes as he ran by then got my ticket and started walking toward the train. Meanwhile, he got on the train and it started to pull away. He was standing there looking for me and I caught his eye and waved as he pulled away. I was irritated.

I got to the train, which looked very different than the train he'd just gotten on and before I realized it, I was on it but trying to get off because it was clearly the wrong train. But I was too late. So, there I was, on the wrong train, irritated with my friend and unsure where I was headed. I figured I'd just get off at the next stop, get back on another train going the other direction then figure out how to get back to where I was supposed to be going.

A minute later this open air train was soaring over water and I almost fell off. I realized I had to hang on a little more carefully as we flew. Yes. The train was flying. And it was beautiful. There was a river and lots of trees, but I still needed to get off.

When we pulled to a stop, back on the ground and in front of a little shopping center in the middle of the countryside, I asked the conductor when another train would be by going the other direction. He said it would be 10 minutes or so. So I got off and looked around for where the stop was on the other side of the road. When I turned around the train was gone and I was standing in front of a restaurant that looked much like an Armadillo Willy's. I was hungry but wasn't sure how much time I had, so I decided to get French fries and a Coke, but when I got to the counter, they talked me into getting pie. Apparently it was only a dollar. As the guy was putting the pie on my plate, I woke up.

And frankly, now I just want pie.

In my dreams I push little kids...

It's no secret to anyone that knows me that I'm not really a kid person. I don't have any. I don't want any. And I'm just as happy to go about my life without being involved with any. There are a few I like, kids of friends, but these are rare and exceptional children. No thank you, I don't need to hold the baby. Just not my thing. I couldn't be happier for my friends with kids. Truly. It's just not my thing. I never had one of those biological clocks, so I guess it's no surprise that I would push a child in my dream. Please understand that I have never and would never do this in real life. Never.

In this dream I was in Canada. This is already crazy because I've never been to Canada and have no plans of visiting. Lately all I do is despise Canada because of its dirty hockey teams, but that's really a separate issue. Anyway...I was in Canada in some boutique in what may have been a hotel. I was with friends, but they left and I wandered through the store and found a bathroom. Apparently I couldn't wait to get back to my hotel room. 

The bathroom was tucked away in a corner and its door was a plush velvet curtain, attached by a magnet of some sort. I was a little leary about it, but went in nonetheless. I set my keys on a small stool inside and proceeded to, well, you know, go to the bathroom. 

As I was sitting there, a woman, a grandmotherly type, pulled the curtain open, and I was like, "I'll be just a minute!" and pulled the curtain closed. Mortifying. A second later, the woman is opening the curtain again and sitting down on the stool! What?!?! And then the child she was with practically jumps into the bathroom and I just pushed her down. Seriously. Pushed her and yelled at her that she had to wait. The grandmother meanwhile didn't even flinch. 

I woke up about a second after that, probably because I actually had to go to the bathroom, but probably a little due to the shock that people were encroaching on my space and that I pushed a child to the ground. 

I'm not terribly worried about the deep psychological meaning behind this dream, but you can bet I'll never go to a bathroom that's secured by just a curtain ever in my life.

In my dreams, I'm on a VH1 game show with Matt Nathanson

Those of you that are Matt Nathanson fans, or possibly fans of VH1's Don't Forget the Lyrics, know that he was on there recently and almost won all the monies (check out a clip here). Unfortunately, he did not win, but he was completely entertaining to watch and certainly fun to listen to sing. If you've ever seen him live, you also know that he is hilarious and a teensy bit whacky.

In my dream, I was on a stage, and my friend Jill was with me, and there were a variety of other people there, and, of course, Matt. I have absolutely no idea what this game show was because it's nothing I've ever seen or heard of, but it had something to do with singing along with Matt, or Matt singing and us mimicing him...seriously. It was bizarre. So, there are some people sitting out in folding chairs and some of us up on a stage, and I was standing next to Matt, and he keeps cracking himself up and therefore cracking me up too. Jill was a couple of people down from me, and a kid next to me kept getting talked to by the producer. It's like he wasn't into it enough or something and the producer was trying to get him more excited. Meanwhile, I'm just standing next to Matt cracking up and practically have tears in my eyes because I was laughing so hard. 

At one point, Matt's supposed to sing a part of a song and basically stand in front of each person and sing it; again, no idea what sort of crazy show this is, but that was the deal. So he's sort of walking down this line of people singing this line, and when he hits the person next to me (on the other side, not the one that kept getting talked to) he just cracks up when he watches them sing the line back, and this cracks me up, and we sort of get in trouble because they have to start something over. The next thing I know, he's back standing next to me, and we're watching the playback or something and we both just die laughing and he puts his arm around my shoulder and we are seriously laughing so hard that it hurts. And the producer seems at a loss for what to do because clearly he can't get that upset with Matt since he's like the star of this show or whatever.

So then the guy goes to the piano and is telling all of us, Matt included, that we need to be able to hit certain notes, and then he just plays this completely random series of notes on the piano. They are all over the place from very low to very high and people are trying to sing them and the producer is in pain from listening, and Matt turns to me and he's like, "Oh, I got this," and I say something like, "Of course you do." Then I guess he sings them, though I don't actually remember hearing him sing them, because the next thing I say to him is, "Nailed it!" and I do a little motion with my hands, and then he laughs and says, "Nailed it!" and mimics the motion I did and we crack up laughing again.

So then we're just chatting and this woman comes up and sees that we're getting along, and she seems to be his manager or something, not really sure. And it seems like we're talking about how long I've been following him, and how much I love his music, and he says, "So, did you like that thing we did in November?" and of course I say I loved it and it was great and he seems really excited about that and so does the woman, and I'm not completely sure what he was talking about, but I didn't get to find out anymore because naturally, that's when I woke up.

And now I'm thinking, November? What thing in November? I must know!

So there you have it. A little pre-Christmas crazy from me to you.

In my dreams, I hang out with musicians and hockey players

Well, I haven't had a crazy dream in a while, so it's only fitting that this one included four different scenarios of crazy...

Part One - In which I travel in an SUV with Todd Carey and his band

This part of the dream started in a parking lot, and I had a suitcase or some sort of other bag with me and was clearly going on a trip. And I knew it was with Todd, but didn't know that when I opened the door to the SUV I'd be sitting next to him or that he'd be a complete nut bar. Someone took my bags and put them in the back and seriously, this SUV was PACKED! And so, we head out. And I honestly have no idea why I'm there because I'm not in the band, but I clearly know Todd and we're having fun, and seriously, he's just silly and we're clearly friends, but I don't know anyone else in the SUV. We stop at some sort of eating place and all get out and it seems the place is partially closed, but we wander through and then end up back in the SUV and we're back on the road. Okay sure. That could probably happen.

Part Two - In which I take a job and have to deal with a skeevy bathroom

The dream morphed to me sitting in a tiny office at a new job that I have no idea what is. And I'm trying to figure it out, but no one is very forthcoming, and I'm frustrated. This office is in a huge building, and it's all very dark and dingy, and when I went to the bathroom, it was ultra skeevy, and the stalls didn't have doors, but no one else seemed to care. Thankfully, I didn't stay very long in this part of the dream.

Part Three - In which I hang out with Joe Thornton and he smiles and laughs a lot

So somehow, I'm friends with Joe Thornton - yeah, that could probably happen too - and I can't honestly remember what we were doing in the dream, but he smiled and laughed at me pretty much the whole time. There was a car involved, and maybe I was driving it, but it was clear we hung out all the time and were good friends. Also, he was wearing the suit he was wearing in the booth on Saturday night, with that same amount of scruffy beard. Okay. Sure. Why not.

Part Four - In which I'm on a farm and pull a giant blue dog out of the ground

There were real friends and family in the last part of my dream, but that doesn't make it any less crazy. I was on a farm which may or may not have been my great grandparent's farm, and a couple of friends were there. I'm not clear exactly what was going on, but at one point, I was focused on getting the dogs in line. And these dogs were hibernating or something because they were all underground outside. And so one of them, I just called its name and it dug itself out of the dirt and took its place. But the other one, whose name was Joe by the way, had to be pulled out, and he was the biggest dog I've ever seen. I'm not clear on the breed, but maybe he was a mastiff. I just know that he was blueish in color and was practically sleep walking when I pulled him up from the ground. 

Shortly thereafter I woke up and I shall now be on the lookout for giant blue dogs, Todd Carey's SUV and Joe Thornton. Any bets on who I'll run into first?

Dream on my friends...dream on...